Wreck-it-Niki!!!

I am wanting to be able to express myself in a healthy and positive way. I used to love to write in my journal, but after pondering on what I expected my posterity to do with volumes of my ramblings, and feelings, and the ins and outs of my days...I realized my blog was probably the best way to go. The scary thing about blogging is anyone can access my thoughts...at anytime. But I do want my children and grandchildren to be able to find my writings as well. So...if you aren't my posterity, I am sorry but I am writing to them. I hope this helps you in some way.

Today was a little on the rough side. I am desperately trying to create my life to be exactly how I want it. I am partnering with the creative genius himself, my heavenly father. My goal is too become exactly who he needs me to be in order to further the work in his kingdom. I am a far cry from being who I want to be, but the point of this life isn't too become who I want to be, but who He wants me to be. 

I have a little problem with anger and frustration. It happens way too much. I believe it stems from my crazy desire to have EVERYTHING perfect. You would think by now, after 34 years of living I would have figured out that perfection isn't my job. I was given my short comings and weaknesses on purpose. My Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me these imperfections so I can be more merciful. You see,I have found that when I hold myself to this impossible standard of perfection I hold others too it as well.  I get super frustrated with them when they don't do things and act as perfectly as I believe they should. I don't offer mercy or patience. I don't allow them the wiggle room that Heavenly Father has promised us all by making us, and creating us to be these perfectly imperfect people.

I was explaining to my niece, Lydia, that I eat cookie dough so I don't go "Wreck-it-Ralph" on my family when I am mad. She took this as a good enough reason to let me consume my cookie dough in peace. Later on today, I watch a short clip by this anti-abuse group that in 60 short seconds pointed out that our children learn behavior from watching us. We teach them the things that are acceptable just by doing these secretly unhealthy things like losing our tempers, and eating cookie dough to stuff all these negative feelings deeper inside ourselves. I want more from my kids than what I am currently teaching them. I want them to love themselves, to know of their divinity, and that making mistakes and moving on are what this life is all about.

J.J. had his first ever friend birthday party. It was for a little girl named Lyndi.  She was so cute and the things they did were so fun. When I asked J.J. what his favorite thing was, he said catching the snow flakes.  This sweet mom had blown up balloons and put snowflakes on them then dropped them from the ceiling. Sounds amazingly fun huh? J.J. had ago much fun. 

Megan and Caity are growing so fast. It is hard for me too believe that they were once little preemie on oxygen. They are crazy climbers, runners, fallers, and rearrangers. If something is put away...it won't be for long because they will find a new home for it as soon as they get their little monkey paws on it.  I giggle because my brother Jerrod and his wonderful wife, Erika will be going through this in a few years. 

Dani was mad today that J.J. got to go to the party. She was certain that he life would be so boring without him, but somehow she survived. She is working on a program that has her reading for an hour a day to earn money for new books for her own personal library. She loves reading, and is such an incredible little learner. 

I can't believe how much I love my children. I need them to teach me to be better, the Better that Heavenly Father wants me to be.